I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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