Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
