Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
