They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
