I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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