I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I need moral support for this bender
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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