He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
