Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
