Nicole vs. Life
she woke up with a sticky ear
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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