I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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