It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
third nipple confirmed
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
