i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Randomize
