Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
