Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
His hands were made for my vagina.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
