I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
