Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
