Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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