I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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