just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize