just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
