If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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