A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Holy shit dude........stairs
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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