Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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