I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
