Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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