no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
organizing the empties. That sober.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
