I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
