I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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