I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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