I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
