Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
