I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
