and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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