Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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