Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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