I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
