He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Randomize
