I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
