he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
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HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
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But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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