Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
