you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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