do herpes really smell.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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