sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
