my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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