So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize