put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
