Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
