I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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