i think i have herpe
just one?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
