u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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