I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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