Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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