fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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