i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
