No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
