You made me cry and you don't even care
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
