he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Randomize
