You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
