I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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