I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
