Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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