I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
