My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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