oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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