Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
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I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
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Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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