His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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