I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
